Consent for Kids: Ages 10 and Up

On the right is the heading "How to Talk To Kids About Consent Ages 10+. In the middle is a cartoon child wearing a green dress. She is holding a mask with an emotion on it, and two other emotion masks are around her head.

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Consent For Kids: Ages 10 and Up

Consent for Kids: Content for Ages 10 and Up

Consent is for kids too! Wondering how you can talk about consent with your children who are age 10 and up? We have a few tips here that lay the foundation for these conversations no matter what the maturity level of your child. Since consent can be talked about in regards to any agreement between people, it is still quite easy to adjust these conversations according to what is appropriate for your child to know about sex depending on their age.

Starting consent conversations early and about ALL agreements between folks helps make the transition into talking more explicitly about romantic relationships and sexual activity (not just sex, this can go for other intimate acts like kissing as well) easier. It’s also okay to acknowledge if you and/or your child feel a little awkward talking about this- don’t ignore the elephant in the room, you’re allowed to say “Hey, I know this can be awkward but these are really important conversations I want to start having. Don’t worry, I’m a bit nervous too!”

You can use real world examples, or examples from the shows, movies, and games that are already a part of their lives. Sometimes it’s easier to talk about these topics when you’re referring to characters they already know or relate to, and can be a great tool to discuss elements of healthy vs. unhealthy relationships as well.

It’s important that children and teens don’t feel shame when they have questions about consent, relationships, sex, intimacy, puberty, etc. If youth don’t feel like the trusted adults in their life are safe people to talk about these things with, they may avoid asking questions altogether from anyone, or they may turn to other sources if information that may be incorrect or harmful (i.e., learning things from what their friends tell them, non-regulated websites, exploring pornography without proper understanding of porn literacy).

These are just the beginning tools to help you start these conversations and create as safe a space as possible for your child to turn to you if they have questions about these important topics. This does not mean you as the parent will have all the answers, especially as children mature, begin to learn more about sex and sexuality at school, and are exposed to different forms of media (i.e., tv shows, movies, social media platforms). You do not have to be the expert and it’s okay to let your child know when you don’t know the answers to their questions. You can find various online tools with information for both parents and youth, or you can connect to local agencies like KSAC to provide the answers.

If you show that you are comfortable talking about consent, your kid will notice. Avoid assuming that your kid knows what consent mean. Before talking to your kid about consent, try talking about it with your own friends/partner by reflecting on your own teenage years- what questions did you have? What were you too nervous to ask about? Tell your kid that consent is explicit - 'yes' means 'yes', everything else means 'no' and that a small check-in helps clarify things in case of doubts. Use the correct words to describe a situation and avoid using indirect language to minimize confusion. Avoid answering things you are not sure about or need some research on yourself

Gradually introduce the idea of consent into the lives of your kids. Maybe start with watching a show, a song, or a movie together and see how they comment on certain things and then support their idea by questioning it or through suggestions. E.g. if your kid says, 'well that's not the way to ask for permission to kiss', you can question - 'well what other way could they ask it?' Give them the space and a platform to openly express themselves. Talk about boundaries and consent in ALL relationships, not just the intimate ones. Understanding boundaries in familial relationships and friendships can help when talking about them for romantic partners.

Be an active listener - give your kid the space they need to say what they might be confused or worried about. Try to talk to them and not at them - try to reflect and paraphrase (repeat what they said in your own words) while talking to them. Telling them what to do might annoy them or make them feel like you are not there 100% to support them in what they need, even though that might not be your intention. Help them problem-solve their own way while you hold their hand through their journey as a constant support.

Sex and intimacy can be different for everyone - including your kid. It is healthy and normal can be fun and exciting when carried out responsibly and consensually. Tell you kid that their emotions related to the topic of sex and intimacy are valid and that it is normal to have those emotions, including anxiety and confusion. Reassure that people have different ways of understanding sex/intimacy and some people may choose to not engage in intimate activities at all.Keep the dialogue open for any future conversations. Make sure you openly talk about boundaries, healthy relationships, effects of intoxication, and cases where a person cannot consent - under the influence of alcohol, drugs, during sleep or due to language barriers.

We don’t want children and youth to feel ashamed for having new feelings, being curious about changes in their bodies, or being curious about things they hear/see that have to do with sex and intimacy. When we don’t allow these kinds of questions and conversations to happen with trusted adults and sources, youth may receive incorrect information or be uninformed about important things like contraception, STIs, pregnancy, emotions, puberty, etc. It’s also more than okay to admit to your child when you don’t have all the answers for them! This is a great chance to show them that it’s okay to always be asking questions. Refer to trusted web sources, or local agencies (KSAC, Public Health, your local hospital, youth support services) to get further information and answers.

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KSAC provides healing, safety, and support to those affected by sexual violence and harm, and aims to end sexual violence through prevention education within our communities.

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Backgrounds, genders, sexualities, ages and abilities are treated with respect and dignity in a nonjudgmental and supportive environment at Kawartha Sexual Assault Centre.

November 22, 2024November 28, 2024

Consent for Kids: Ages 5-10

How to talk to kids about consent ages 5-10. Below this heading is a cartoon image of a family (two adults and two children) sharing a meal. Below this is the link to choosingtherapy.com

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Consent for Kids Ages 5-10

Consent for Kids Ages 5-10: how to talk about consent with kids

Consent is a topic that can be learned at all ages! Following up from the previous Learn Hub module on consent for youth under age 5, these next 5 tips will help navigate conversations with kids anywhere from ages 5 to 10. Concepts of consent, permission, and boundaries are still the focus, but we can build upon that existing knowledge and expand to new scenarios that best match that child’s experiences based on their age, and delve into more understanding of their own bodies and privacy.

Topics to add onto learning for kids age 5-10 include understanding and looking out for both verbal and nonverbal signals of consent, creating space to openly discuss their bodies and the correct names for body parts, discussing what safe vs. unsafe touch is, working with them to talk about their boundaries and how they can safely state them to others, and modelling consent in interactions with your child.

As children grow more mature and conversations around consent and boundaries do too, remember that it’s okay if these conversations still feel awkard. No matter what, you are displaying for your child that you are okay discussing these sensitive topics and modelling that you are a trusted adult they can turn to for questions or support about consent, boundaries, and relationships.

By creating open and honest communication with your child about these topics, you are setting them up for future relationships where they can take these core concepts and apply them to more nuanced situations. By starting these conversations early on, consent and boundary discussions become a normalized part of life and easier to discuss in various relationships kids have with family, friends, teammates, classmates, etc.

A cartoon image of a family at a dinner table- there are two parents and two children. Below the image is the link to choosingtherapy.com

Consent For Kids: How to talk to kids about consent ages 5-10 Further information can be found at choosingtherapy.com

1. Looking Out For Verbal And Nonverbal Signs. Teaching kids to understand and communicate about their own preferences as well as look for non-verbal and verbal cues from others. This helps them in recognizing what the other person might like or dislike and helps your child to identify what is and isn't rationally acceptable. For example, 'when your brother asked you about borrowing your favourite book, I saw you hesitated a bit at first. But then you gave the book to them anyway, did you not want to? You can always say no when you don't want to do something."

2. Talking Openly About Their Bodies. Kids learn from your cues. The way you understand your own body, your kids also need the same understanding about their bodies. Use the actual names of the body parts such as penis, vagina, vulva, etc. to open the conversation about who can and should touch their body parts. It’s important to use the correct terms for body parts- creating nicknames for them might create confusion for your child and make it harder for them or feel shameful for them to talk about their body. Even if your child is embarassed by you bringing it up... they’ll know you’re comfortable with these topics and are a trusted adult.

3. Teaching About Safe Vs. Unsafe Touch. Open the conversation about who can and should touch their body parts. For instance, how a doctor's touch for medical examination may differ than that of any other person in authority over your kid like a relative or family member. And at all times, your kid has the right to have a 'safe person' with them at all times, even during a medical exam. Your kids need to know that what they feel comfortable with today, they may not feel the same tomorrow. If they consent today, it does not mean they will be okay with consenting later that day or on other days.

4. Helping Them Set Boundaries. Boundaries are a person's right to choose what is comfortable for them. Teach your child to set limits on when and how their bodies are touched and by whom. You can start by discussing physical boundaries your child already encounters and understands, such as traffic lights, rules and guidelines in sports, and any other safety regulations they know of. Teach Your Child: Your body belongs to you. You get to decide about your own body. No one should touch you without permission. Consent means always choosing to respect others' boundaries.

5. Ask For Consent In Everyday Interactions With Your Child. Not only does this model behaviour for children, but also gives them a sense of their own autonomy and decision making! The more this is practised, the easier and more normalized it becomes. “Do you want a hug goodnight tonight?” “Do I have your permission to share photos of you in your play with your aunt?” “You don’t have to kiss grandma goodbye, would you prefer to wave instead?” “If you don’t want a photo with Santa that’s okay.” 705-748-5901 KawarthaSexualAssaultCentre.com

Did you know that it costs $50 a month to support one survivor?

KSAC provides healing, safety, and support to those affected by sexual violence and harm, and aims to end sexual violence through prevention education within our communities.

Contact Us

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Charitable Business Number: 107837528RR0001

People of All

Backgrounds, genders, sexualities, ages and abilities are treated with respect and dignity in a nonjudgmental and supportive environment at Kawartha Sexual Assault Centre.

November 5, 2024November 8, 2024

End the Wait: Donate Today

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End the Wait: Donate Today

Jocelyn can still to this day remember the feeling in her body when she would have to tell someone over the phone during an intake that KSAC is here to support them but that the waitlist for them to receive counselling could be up to one year.

It’s almost like I don’t have the words to describe it. Hearing someone’s voice literally deflate after you tell them about the waitlist for counselling. I can still feel the pit in my stomach and the lump in my throat knowing how difficult that first call to us can be and knowing that you have to be the bearer of the bad news. Our clients are so resilient and we just want to give them hope not feel like we have to take some of it away.”

Reaching out for support after an experience of sexual violence is such a big first step whether you experienced the harm recently or experienced it years ago and are just finding the courage to connect with KSAC. Every week members of your own community bravely find the strength to connect with KSAC and are being told they must wait for counselling. It is estimated that around 75% of people who connect with KSAC for counselling services will be faced with waiting to receive that support. This wait can fluctuate anywhere from 3 months, to 6 months, to 1 year.

“It feels like a catch 22- we want our services advertised to the community because we know sexual violence impacts so many people but with more and more people connecting to us for support we struggle to keep up with the demand. Every year our minimal funding stays the same and our waitlist gets bigger.”

It’s also important to note that KSAC is one of the only centres dedicated to supporting sexual violence survivors of all genders ages 16 and up across the four counties of Peterborough Northumberland Kawartha Lakes and Halburton. Not only that but the majority of these supports are completely free. “At KSAC we are so focused on breaking down barriers for people to receive the healing they need and deserve. To then have the roadblock of telling people we can’t provide that for them for months? It’s the most disheartening thing.”

Receiving fast access to support helps reduce risk of survivors developing mental health issues and emphasizes the core message that we believe survivors.

“To see how much healing can be had in our small little centre to see the positive changes and impacts in our clients as they move through our counselling supports to hear how much KSAC has changed their lives for the better…. That’s why we do the work. Survivors deserve to see these positive changes right away.”

Unfortunately we can’t tackle this alone. You can help KSAC end the wait for survivors of sexual violence by donating today. Your donation supports survivors’ journey through group counselling and individual counselling at KSAC and allows us to better help people recover from the trauma that comes with sexual assault. Your donation will help us be there for survivors when they need us and ensure that people who are struggling in the aftermath of their assault, aren’t struggling alone.

Did you know that it costs $50 a month to support one survivor?

KSAC provides healing, safety, and support to those affected by sexual violence and harm, and aims to end sexual violence through prevention education within our communities.

Contact Us

24 Hour Crisis Support Line

Get Involved

Charitable Business Number: 107837528RR0001

People of All

Backgrounds, genders, sexualities, ages and abilities are treated with respect and dignity in a nonjudgmental and supportive environment at Kawartha Sexual Assault Centre.