5 Stages of Sex Trafficking

5 Stages of Sex Trafficking

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Stages of Sex Trafficking

The 5 Stages of Sex Trafficking in Canada

Knowing the stages of sex trafficking in Canada can help you to become more informed on the topic, and to recognize the signs of trafficking, particularly with youth and those from marginalized populations. Many incorrect beliefs still exist around how sex trafficking typically happens in Canada- it does not typically involve kidnapping random targets and keeping individuals locked in cages and shipping containers.

As we can see from the stages of sex trafficking outlined here, this is a highly calculated process. Victims are not usually chosen at random, but chosen because they are lacking things in their life that the trafficker is ready to provide for them. Although the traffickers may form different relationships with their victims (i.e., romantic partner, friend, drug dealer, protector, etc.), this pattern of stages is still typically seen, just with different actions. 

Generally the 5 stages of sex trafficking are; luring, grooming and gaming, coercion and manipulation, exploitation, and recruitment. As noted here, recruitment is the fifth stage but it does not always occur. Traffickers may or may not use the victims they are currently exploiting to recruit others. It is not a defining characteristic of trafficking, but it often happens in situations where the victim knows many other people who are also from marginalized groups/lacking needs in their lives (i.e., friends from school, group home or shelter neighbours, etc.). 

Knowing the 5 stages of sex trafficking is important for dispelling harmful myths about what sex trafficking typically looks like in Canada. The process of coercing someone into sex trafficking does not usually happen overnight- many traffickers spend time to lure and groom their victims, providing them with a false sense of hope, security, safety, and love, before manipulating the relationship and making people feel like they have no other options. 

Have open and honest conversations about the 5 stages of sex trafficking with youth in your life, as they are some of the most at risk for being targeted. Often we focus on the exploitation stage and forget about the importance of discussing what the warning signs are of the previous stages. Catching red flags early on in this process increases our chances of stopping sexual exploitation before it happens. 

5 Stages of Sex Trafficking
1. Luring. A highly calculated assessment to find the right target, with the goal of gaining their trust (e.g., compliments, making them feel special). Traffickers are looking to collect information on the person's home life, their vulnerabilities, and what things might be missing from their life.
2. Grooming and Gaming. Think of the "honeymoon stage". The trafficker may offer expensive gifts and dates, make grand promises for the future, or fulfill the basic survival needs of the person they are trafficking. Substances and sexual content may be introduced in this stage.
3. Coercion and Manipulation. The trafficker wants to keep their victim on the edge and craving the attention they once had. They may cut back communication, display unpredictable behaviour and anger, and push sexual boundaries, only rewarding with affection when the victim complies. Involves convincing the victim that the trafficker is acting this way because of them, or that they owe them something.
4. Exploitation. The trafficker has manipulated the trafficked person emotionally, psychologically and/or physically into sex work. They may use threats of, or actual violence and use isolation tactics to make victims feel they have no place to go. The trafficker can make them feel they owe them, that this is the only option if they still want food, shelter, and attention, or that they need to do this to support the trafficker's grand plans for the future.
5. Recruitment. This stage does not always occur- it involves a trafficked person being used by the trafficker to recruit other potential targets. Recruiters have earned the trust of the trafficker. Trafficked persons may recruit to keep the trafficker happy and keep themselves as safe as possible, or so they are able to potentially work less and earn more privileges.
5 Stages of Sex Trafficking
1. Luring. A highly calculated assessment to find the right target, with the goal of gaining their trust (e.g., compliments, making them feel special). Traffickers are looking to collect information on the person's home life, their vulnerabilities, and what things might be missing from their life.
2. Grooming and Gaming. Think of the "honeymoon stage". The trafficker may offer expensive gifts and dates, make grand promises for the future, or fulfill the basic survival needs of the person they are trafficking. Substances and sexual content may be introduced in this stage.
3. Coercion and Manipulation. The trafficker wants to keep their victim on the edge and craving the attention they once had. They may cut back communication, display unpredictable behaviour and anger, and push sexual boundaries, only rewarding with affection when the victim complies. Involves convincing the victim that the trafficker is acting this way because of them, or that they owe them something.
4. Exploitation. The trafficker has manipulated the trafficked person emotionally, psychologically and/or physically into sex work. They may use threats of, or actual violence and use isolation tactics to make victims feel they have no place to go. The trafficker can make them feel they owe them, that this is the only option if they still want food, shelter, and attention, or that they need to do this to support the trafficker's grand plans for the future.
5. Recruitment. This stage does not always occur- it involves a trafficked person being used by the trafficker to recruit other potential targets. Recruiters have earned the trust of the trafficker. Trafficked persons may recruit to keep the trafficker happy and keep themselves as safe as possible, or so they are able to potentially work less and earn more privileges.
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KSAC provides healing, safety, and support to those affected by sexual violence and harm, and aims to end sexual violence through prevention education within our communities.

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Backgrounds, genders, sexualities, ages and abilities are treated with respect and dignity in a nonjudgmental and supportive environment at Kawartha Sexual Assault Centre.

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Types of Grounding

Types of Grounding

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Types of Grounding

Types of Grounding: Mental, Physical, and Soothing

There are many different types of grounding exercises that can help us feel more calm when we face stressful situations or triggers.

Grounding strategies help us cope with overwhelming emotions (i.e., anger, sadness). We can detach from the emotions we are feeling to gain a sense of control. Grounding uses outside sources to help “anchor” you to the present and to reality. These three types of grounding listed here all work to achieve the same goal of regaining mental focus, feeling stable, and feeling able to manage our emotions. 

Many people with PTSD or those who are struggling with feeling overwhelming emotions and memories, or those feeling numb with dissociation, benefit from grounding.

Types of grounding can include mental strategies, physical strategies, and soothing strategies. Having a list of various different grounding strategies is helpful, as some techniques may work better for some people, or some techniques may work better for certain situations we are in. It can be overwhelming in the moment to remember grounding strategies, so having a physical list or one in your phone can help you try out various strategies whenever you need them. Grounding can be done anywhere and no one around you needs to know you’re using grounding strategies! 

Grounding is a skill, and like any skill it requires practice to get used to. Try practicing these types of grounding techniques even when you don’t need them so that you get used to them and get a sense of which techniques you like and which you don’t enjoy as much. Try to start using these grounding strategies right when you start to feel your emotions getting bigger- it’s much easier to get into the habit of grounding when we still feel okay, rather than when our emotions feel too overwhelming to manage. 

Types of Grounding: Mental Grounding. Text reads "Play a categories game with yourself (e.g., types of dogs, a food for every alphabet letter). Say a safety statement like: My name is ____, I am safe now, I am in the present not the past. Describe to yourself or write down an everyday activity you enjoy in great detail. Describe the room you are in in great detail."
Types of Grounding: Physical. Text reads "Run cool or cold water over your hands. Dig your heels into the floor and focus on the feeling of being connected to the ground. Clench and release your fists. Eat a sour candy. Carry a grounding object in your pocket that you can reach for whenever you need. Focus on your breathing.
Types of Grounding: Soothing Grounding. Text reads "Have a list of kind mantras and sayings you can repeat to yourself. Think of a safe space you enjoy and go there in your mind. Listen to your favourite music or read your favourite book or poetry. Think of your favourite things that bring you joy, or look at photos of them.
Types of Grounding: Mental Grounding. Text reads "Play a categories game with yourself (e.g., types of dogs, a food for every alphabet letter). Say a safety statement like: My name is ____, I am safe now, I am in the present not the past. Describe to yourself or write down an everyday activity you enjoy in great detail. Describe the room you are in in great detail."
Types of Grounding: Physical. Text reads "Run cool or cold water over your hands. Dig your heels into the floor and focus on the feeling of being connected to the ground. Clench and release your fists. Eat a sour candy. Carry a grounding object in your pocket that you can reach for whenever you need. Focus on your breathing.
Types of Grounding: Soothing Grounding. Text reads "Have a list of kind mantras and sayings you can repeat to yourself. Think of a safe space you enjoy and go there in your mind. Listen to your favourite music or read your favourite book or poetry. Think of your favourite things that bring you joy, or look at photos of them.
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Did you know that it costs $50 a month to support one survivor?

KSAC provides healing, safety, and support to those affected by sexual violence and harm, and aims to end sexual violence through prevention education within our communities.

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Charitable Business Number: 107837528RR0001

People of All

Backgrounds, genders, sexualities, ages and abilities are treated with respect and dignity in a nonjudgmental and supportive environment at Kawartha Sexual Assault Centre.

A KSAC logo displaying on a progressive pride flag button alongside an accessibility symbol of a person in a wheelchair signal KSAC's commitment to accessibility and inclusivity

The Window of Tolerance

The Window of Tolerance

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The Window of Tolerance

Understanding The Window of Tolerance

The Window of Tolerance is a tool we use to learn about our zones of dysregulation and how we can use grounding to get ourselves back in the present moment. Everyone has a “window of tolerance”, the zone in which we feel we’re able to manage the ups and downs we experience in daily life. This zone does not mean everything is perfect, we can still feel the entire range of emotions, but we feel present in the moment and able to manage.

 Everyone has a different sized window of tolerance- going through traumatic and difficult experiences can “shrink” our window so that things we may have previously been okay with might make us feel bigger emotions (navigating new triggers, etc.). However, through grounding and other healing work we can grow our window of tolerance as well!

When we dysregulate into “hyperarousal”, that’s when we experience intense feelings of anger, anxiety, fear, etc. We might feel incredibly heightened, like we are ready to burst at any moment. On the other end, we may dysregulate into “hypoarousal”, when we experience intense feelings of sadness, depression, and apathy, often feeling numb and lacking motivation. When we notice ourselves feeling dysregulated and feeling like we might be moving into hypo- or hyperarousal, that’s when we want to use grounding tools to bring us back to the present and back within our window of tolerance! 

Remember, we aren’t getting rid of our emotions and we’re not getting rid of the hard stuff, but we’re bringing ourselves back to the present so we can better manage those emotions and reach out for support. It can be hard to focus or know what to do/what we want when we’re at either end of the spectrum, so getting as close to the middle as we can might even just help us have a moment to think, breathe, and plan out what we need next in the moment to feel okay.

A double-headed arrow facing north-south is in the centre of the page, separated into three coloured sections. In both the top and bottom arrow heads text reads "Time to Ground!". The top section is in orange and titled "Hyperarousal". On the left side of the arrow head is a cartoon picture of a volcano. On the right side of the arrow head text reads "Red/hot emotions (anger, anxiety, fear). Feeling heightened, tense, ready to burst, scared, etc." The middle section of the arrow is green and titles "Window of Tolerance". On the left of the arrow text reads "Still experiencing daily ups and downs, but feel able to manage. Everyone has a different sized window and it can change over time. Grounding helps bring us back to our window of tolerance." In the middle of the arrow is a cartoon image of a window looking out into a blue sunny sky with plants on the ledge. The bottom section of the arrow is blue and titles "Hypoarousal". On the right side of the arrow head is a cartoon image of a penguin on an ice floe. On the left side of the arrow head text reads "Bleu/cool emotions (sadness, depression, apathy). Often associated with numbness and lacking motivation."
A double-headed arrow facing north-south is in the centre of the page, separated into three coloured sections. In both the top and bottom arrow heads text reads "Time to Ground!". The top section is in orange and titled "Hyperarousal". On the left side of the arrow head is a cartoon picture of a volcano. On the right side of the arrow head text reads "Red/hot emotions (anger, anxiety, fear). Feeling heightened, tense, ready to burst, scared, etc." The middle section of the arrow is green and titles "Window of Tolerance". On the left of the arrow text reads "Still experiencing daily ups and downs, but feel able to manage. Everyone has a different sized window and it can change over time. Grounding helps bring us back to our window of tolerance." In the middle of the arrow is a cartoon image of a window looking out into a blue sunny sky with plants on the ledge. The bottom section of the arrow is blue and titles "Hypoarousal". On the right side of the arrow head is a cartoon image of a penguin on an ice floe. On the left side of the arrow head text reads "Bleu/cool emotions (sadness, depression, apathy). Often associated with numbness and lacking motivation."
Alt=””

Did you know that it costs $50 a month to support one survivor?

KSAC provides healing, safety, and support to those affected by sexual violence and harm, and aims to end sexual violence through prevention education within our communities.

Contact Us

Get Involved

Charitable Business Number: 107837528RR0001

People of All

Backgrounds, genders, sexualities, ages and abilities are treated with respect and dignity in a nonjudgmental and supportive environment at Kawartha Sexual Assault Centre.

A KSAC logo displaying on a progressive pride flag button alongside an accessibility symbol of a person in a wheelchair signal KSAC's commitment to accessibility and inclusivity

Warning Signs of Exploitation

Heading reads "Warning Signs of Exploitation". Below this is an image of two girls with dark hair sitting on the edge of a bottom bunk bed. One girl is in an orange sweater and one is in a maroon sweater. They are both looking down at a cell phone that is in the girl with the maroon sweater's hands.

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Warning Signs of Exploitation

Warning signs of exploitation: learn them so you can intervene

Warning signs of exploitation are incredibly important to be aware of, whether you are a parent, are someone who works with youth, or are a youth yourself and notice odd behaviour in some of your friends or peers. We have collected a number of common warning signs for sexual exploitation/sex trafficking specifically here, but this is not an exhaustive list. 

You may note that some of these warning signs of exploitation are not strictly for trafficking situations and can be warning signs of other abusive, toxic, or unhealthy realtionships. It is important when we are devloping a plan to address these signs that we do not immediately ask “Are you being trafficked?” We want to ease into the conversation and focus on checking in with the person around the warning signs we’ve noted. If the person is being trafficked and we come on too strong in questioning, they may be scared away and reluctant to share more with us.

Warning signs of exploitation can show up in many ways and situations- we want to look out for noticeable changes in behaviours, in friendships or family relationships, in openness, in physical appearance and material posessions, etc. These may be noticed by parents or family members, teachers, workers, or peers. 

Warning signs of exploitation include: suddenly having a new partner (often with an age difference and met them online), withdrawing from activities, school, and friends, having new clothes, nails and hair done, big gifts from partner, being incredibly secretive about their relationship, unhealthy relationship signs seen from their partner, have their partner speaking for them or holidng onto their belongings, etc. 

Being able to identify the warning signs of exploitation is one step you can take to help combat trafficking in your community. Remember, you don’t need to be the expert on this topic, but having a list of the signs of exploitation you have noticed can be incredibly helpful when you are seeking support for next steps. You can connect with KSAC or other agencies you know of who support survivors of trafficking, or call the national trafficking hotline to learn how to address these warning signs with the youth in question. 

Heading reads "Warning Signs of Exploitation". Below this is an image of two girls with dark hair sitting on the edge of a bottom bunk bed. One girl is in an orange sweater and one is in a maroon sweater. They are both looking down at a cell phone that is in the girl with the maroon sweater's hands.
Warning Signs of Exploitation Can Include: New partner with big age difference, met online, Withdrawing from family/friends, Unexplained money/have things they typically would not be able to afford, Sudden changes in clothing they wear, Skipping school, significant drop in grades/activities, Staying out later, more absent, Secretive communications with partner, New or second cell phone, Leaving school property at lunch to be with their partner
Warning Signs of Exploitation Can Include: Reluctant to provide personal details about partner, Immense fear of authority figures (police, agencies), Tattooing or other types of branding, Relationship with partner displays signs of being unhealthy (jealousy, guilt tripping, intense anger, shame), Not carrying own belongings (keys, ID, wallet), Frequent address changes or inability to state where they are staying, Potential signs of physical or sexual abuse, Use of slang used in the industry
Heading reads "Warning Signs of Exploitation". Below this is an image of two girls with dark hair sitting on the edge of a bottom bunk bed. One girl is in an orange sweater and one is in a maroon sweater. They are both looking down at a cell phone that is in the girl with the maroon sweater's hands.
Warning Signs of Exploitation Can Include: New partner with big age difference, met online, Withdrawing from family/friends, Unexplained money/have things they typically would not be able to afford, Sudden changes in clothing they wear, Skipping school, significant drop in grades/activities, Staying out later, more absent, Secretive communications with partner, New or second cell phone, Leaving school property at lunch to be with their partner
Warning Signs of Exploitation Can Include: Reluctant to provide personal details about partner, Immense fear of authority figures (police, agencies), Tattooing or other types of branding, Relationship with partner displays signs of being unhealthy (jealousy, guilt tripping, intense anger, shame), Not carrying own belongings (keys, ID, wallet), Frequent address changes or inability to state where they are staying, Potential signs of physical or sexual abuse, Use of slang used in the industry
Alt=””

Did you know that it costs $50 a month to support one survivor?

KSAC provides healing, safety, and support to those affected by sexual violence and harm, and aims to end sexual violence through prevention education within our communities.

Contact Us

Get Involved

Charitable Business Number: 107837528RR0001

People of All

Backgrounds, genders, sexualities, ages and abilities are treated with respect and dignity in a nonjudgmental and supportive environment at Kawartha Sexual Assault Centre.

A KSAC logo displaying on a progressive pride flag button alongside an accessibility symbol of a person in a wheelchair signal KSAC's commitment to accessibility and inclusivity

Consent for Kids: Ages 10 and Up

On the right is the heading "How to Talk To Kids About Consent Ages 10+. In the middle is a cartoon child wearing a green dress. She is holding a mask with an emotion on it, and two other emotion masks are around her head.

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Consent For Kids: Ages 10 and Up

Consent for Kids: Content for Ages 10 and Up

Consent is for kids too! Wondering how you can talk about consent with your children who are age 10 and up? We have a few tips here that lay the foundation for these conversations no matter what the maturity level of your child. Since consent can be talked about in regards to any agreement between people, it is still quite easy to adjust these conversations according to what is appropriate for your child to know about sex depending on their age. 

Starting consent conversations early and about ALL agreements between folks helps make the transition into talking more explicitly about romantic relationships and sexual activity (not just sex, this can go for other intimate acts like kissing as well) easier. It’s also okay to acknowledge if you and/or your child feel a little awkward talking about this- don’t ignore the elephant in the room, you’re allowed to say “Hey, I know this can be awkward but these are really important conversations I want to start having. Don’t worry, I’m a bit nervous too!” 

You can use real world examples, or examples from the shows, movies, and games that are already a part of their lives. Sometimes it’s easier to talk about these topics when you’re referring to characters they already know or relate to, and can be a great tool to discuss elements of healthy vs. unhealthy relationships as well.

It’s important that children and teens don’t feel shame when they have questions about consent, relationships, sex, intimacy, puberty, etc. If youth don’t feel like the trusted adults in their life are safe people to talk about these things with, they may avoid asking questions altogether from anyone, or they may turn to other sources if information that may be incorrect or harmful (i.e., learning things from what their friends tell them, non-regulated websites, exploring pornography without proper understanding of porn literacy). 

These are just the beginning tools to help you start these conversations and create as safe a space as possible for your child to turn to you if they have questions about these important topics. This does not mean you as the parent will have all the answers, especially as children mature, begin to learn more about sex and sexuality at school, and are exposed to different forms of media (i.e., tv shows, movies, social media platforms). You do not have to be the expert and it’s okay to let your child know when you don’t know the answers to their questions. You can find various online tools with information for both parents and youth, or you can connect to local agencies like KSAC to provide the answers. 

On the right is the heading "How to Talk To Kids About Consent Ages 10+. In the middle is a cartoon child wearing a green dress. She is holding a mask with an emotion on it, and two other emotion masks are around her head.
If you show that you are comfortable talking about consent, your kid will notice. Avoid assuming that your kid knows what consent mean. Before talking to your kid about consent, try talking about it with your own friends/partner by reflecting on your own teenage years- what questions did you have? What were you too nervous to ask about? Tell your kid that consent is explicit - 'yes' means 'yes', everything else means 'no' and that a small check-in helps clarify things in case of doubts. Use the correct words to describe a situation and avoid using indirect language to minimize confusion. Avoid answering things you are not sure about or need some research on yourself
Gradually introduce the idea of consent into the lives of your kids. Maybe start with watching a show, a song, or a movie together and see how they comment on certain things and then support their idea by questioning it or through suggestions. E.g. if your kid says, 'well that's not the way to ask for permission to kiss', you can question - 'well what other way could they ask it?' Give them the space and a platform to openly express themselves. Talk about boundaries and consent in ALL relationships, not just the intimate ones. Understanding boundaries in familial relationships and friendships can help when talking about them for romantic partners.
Be an active listener - give your kid the space they need to say what they might be confused or worried about. Try to talk to them and not at them - try to reflect and paraphrase (repeat what they said in your own words) while talking to them. Telling them what to do might annoy them or make them feel like you are not there 100% to support them in what they need, even though that might not be your intention. Help them problem-solve their own way while you hold their hand through their journey as a constant support.
Sex and intimacy can be different for everyone - including your kid. It is healthy and normal can be fun and exciting when carried out responsibly and consensually. Tell you kid that their emotions related to the topic of sex and intimacy are valid and that it is normal to have those emotions, including anxiety and confusion. Reassure that people have different ways of understanding sex/intimacy and some people may choose to not engage in intimate activities at all.Keep the dialogue open for any future conversations. Make sure you openly talk about boundaries, healthy relationships, effects of intoxication, and cases where a person cannot consent - under the influence of alcohol, drugs, during sleep or due to language barriers.
We don’t want children and youth to feel ashamed for having new feelings, being curious about changes in their bodies, or being curious about things they hear/see that have to do with sex and intimacy. When we don’t allow these kinds of questions and conversations to happen with trusted adults and sources, youth may receive incorrect information or be uninformed about important things like contraception, STIs, pregnancy, emotions, puberty, etc. It’s also more than okay to admit to your child when you don’t have all the answers for them! This is a great chance to show them that it’s okay to always be asking questions. Refer to trusted web sources, or local agencies (KSAC, Public Health, your local hospital, youth support services) to get further information and answers.
On the right is the heading "How to Talk To Kids About Consent Ages 10+. In the middle is a cartoon child wearing a green dress. She is holding a mask with an emotion on it, and two other emotion masks are around her head.
If you show that you are comfortable talking about consent, your kid will notice. Avoid assuming that your kid knows what consent mean. Before talking to your kid about consent, try talking about it with your own friends/partner by reflecting on your own teenage years- what questions did you have? What were you too nervous to ask about? Tell your kid that consent is explicit - 'yes' means 'yes', everything else means 'no' and that a small check-in helps clarify things in case of doubts. Use the correct words to describe a situation and avoid using indirect language to minimize confusion. Avoid answering things you are not sure about or need some research on yourself
Gradually introduce the idea of consent into the lives of your kids. Maybe start with watching a show, a song, or a movie together and see how they comment on certain things and then support their idea by questioning it or through suggestions. E.g. if your kid says, 'well that's not the way to ask for permission to kiss', you can question - 'well what other way could they ask it?' Give them the space and a platform to openly express themselves. Talk about boundaries and consent in ALL relationships, not just the intimate ones. Understanding boundaries in familial relationships and friendships can help when talking about them for romantic partners.
Be an active listener - give your kid the space they need to say what they might be confused or worried about. Try to talk to them and not at them - try to reflect and paraphrase (repeat what they said in your own words) while talking to them. Telling them what to do might annoy them or make them feel like you are not there 100% to support them in what they need, even though that might not be your intention. Help them problem-solve their own way while you hold their hand through their journey as a constant support.
Sex and intimacy can be different for everyone - including your kid. It is healthy and normal can be fun and exciting when carried out responsibly and consensually. Tell you kid that their emotions related to the topic of sex and intimacy are valid and that it is normal to have those emotions, including anxiety and confusion. Reassure that people have different ways of understanding sex/intimacy and some people may choose to not engage in intimate activities at all.Keep the dialogue open for any future conversations. Make sure you openly talk about boundaries, healthy relationships, effects of intoxication, and cases where a person cannot consent - under the influence of alcohol, drugs, during sleep or due to language barriers.
We don’t want children and youth to feel ashamed for having new feelings, being curious about changes in their bodies, or being curious about things they hear/see that have to do with sex and intimacy. When we don’t allow these kinds of questions and conversations to happen with trusted adults and sources, youth may receive incorrect information or be uninformed about important things like contraception, STIs, pregnancy, emotions, puberty, etc. It’s also more than okay to admit to your child when you don’t have all the answers for them! This is a great chance to show them that it’s okay to always be asking questions. Refer to trusted web sources, or local agencies (KSAC, Public Health, your local hospital, youth support services) to get further information and answers.
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Did you know that it costs $50 a month to support one survivor?

KSAC provides healing, safety, and support to those affected by sexual violence and harm, and aims to end sexual violence through prevention education within our communities.

Contact Us

Get Involved

Charitable Business Number: 107837528RR0001

People of All

Backgrounds, genders, sexualities, ages and abilities are treated with respect and dignity in a nonjudgmental and supportive environment at Kawartha Sexual Assault Centre.

A KSAC logo displaying on a progressive pride flag button alongside an accessibility symbol of a person in a wheelchair signal KSAC's commitment to accessibility and inclusivity

Consent for Kids: Ages 5-10

How to talk to kids about consent ages 5-10. Below this heading is a cartoon image of a family (two adults and two children) sharing a meal. Below this is the link to choosingtherapy.com

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Consent for Kids Ages 5-10

Consent for Kids Ages 5-10: how to talk about consent with kids

Consent is a topic that can be learned at all ages! Following up from the previous Learn Hub module on consent for youth under age 5, these next 5 tips will help navigate conversations with kids anywhere from ages 5 to 10. Concepts of consent, permission, and boundaries are still the focus, but we can build upon that existing knowledge and expand to new scenarios that best match that child’s experiences based on their age, and delve into more understanding of their own bodies and privacy.

 Topics to add onto learning for kids age 5-10 include understanding and looking out for both verbal and nonverbal signals of consent, creating space to openly discuss their bodies and the correct names for body parts, discussing what safe vs. unsafe touch is, working with them to talk about their boundaries and how they can safely state them to others, and modelling consent in interactions with your child. 

As children grow more mature and conversations around consent and boundaries do too, remember that it’s okay if these conversations still feel awkard. No matter what, you are displaying for your child that you are okay discussing these sensitive topics and modelling that you are a trusted adult they can turn to for questions or support about consent, boundaries, and relationships. 

By creating open and honest communication with your child about these topics, you are setting them up for future relationships where they can take these core concepts and apply them to more nuanced situations. By starting these conversations early on, consent and boundary discussions become a normalized part of life and easier to discuss in various relationships kids have with family, friends, teammates, classmates, etc. 

A cartoon image of a family at a dinner table- there are two parents and two children. Below the image is the link to choosingtherapy.com
Consent For Kids: How to talk to kids about consent ages 5-10 Further information can be found at choosingtherapy.com
1. Looking Out For Verbal And Nonverbal Signs. Teaching kids to understand and communicate about their own preferences as well as look for non-verbal and verbal cues from others. This helps them in recognizing what the other person might like or dislike and helps your child to identify what is and isn't rationally acceptable. For example, 'when your brother asked you about borrowing your favourite book, I saw you hesitated a bit at first. But then you gave the book to them anyway, did you not want to? You can always say no when you don't want to do something."
2. Talking Openly About Their Bodies. Kids learn from your cues. The way you understand your own body, your kids also need the same understanding about their bodies. Use the actual names of the body parts such as penis, vagina, vulva, etc. to open the conversation about who can and should touch their body parts. It’s important to use the correct terms for body parts- creating nicknames for them might create confusion for your child and make it harder for them or feel shameful for them to talk about their body. Even if your child is embarassed by you bringing it up... they’ll know you’re comfortable with these topics and are a trusted adult.
3. Teaching About Safe Vs. Unsafe Touch. Open the conversation about who can and should touch their body parts. For instance, how a doctor's touch for medical examination may differ than that of any other person in authority over your kid like a relative or family member. And at all times, your kid has the right to have a 'safe person' with them at all times, even during a medical exam. Your kids need to know that what they feel comfortable with today, they may not feel the same tomorrow. If they consent today, it does not mean they will be okay with consenting later that day or on other days.
4. Helping Them Set Boundaries. Boundaries are a person's right to choose what is comfortable for them. Teach your child to set limits on when and how their bodies are touched and by whom. You can start by discussing physical boundaries your child already encounters and understands, such as traffic lights, rules and guidelines in sports, and any other safety regulations they know of. Teach Your Child: Your body belongs to you. You get to decide about your own body. No one should touch you without permission. Consent means always choosing to respect others' boundaries.
5. Ask For Consent In Everyday Interactions With Your Child. Not only does this model behaviour for children, but also gives them a sense of their own autonomy and decision making! The more this is practised, the easier and more normalized it becomes. “Do you want a hug goodnight tonight?” “Do I have your permission to share photos of you in your play with your aunt?” “You don’t have to kiss grandma goodbye, would you prefer to wave instead?” “If you don’t want a photo with Santa that’s okay.” 705-748-5901 KawarthaSexualAssaultCentre.com
A cartoon image of a family at a dinner table- there are two parents and two children. Below the image is the link to choosingtherapy.com
1. Looking Out For Verbal And Nonverbal Signs. Teaching kids to understand and communicate about their own preferences as well as look for non-verbal and verbal cues from others. This helps them in recognizing what the other person might like or dislike and helps your child to identify what is and isn't rationally acceptable. For example, 'when your brother asked you about borrowing your favourite book, I saw you hesitated a bit at first. But then you gave the book to them anyway, did you not want to? You can always say no when you don't want to do something."
2. Talking Openly About Their Bodies. Kids learn from your cues. The way you understand your own body, your kids also need the same understanding about their bodies. Use the actual names of the body parts such as penis, vagina, vulva, etc. to open the conversation about who can and should touch their body parts. It’s important to use the correct terms for body parts- creating nicknames for them might create confusion for your child and make it harder for them or feel shameful for them to talk about their body. Even if your child is embarassed by you bringing it up... they’ll know you’re comfortable with these topics and are a trusted adult.
3. Teaching About Safe Vs. Unsafe Touch. Open the conversation about who can and should touch their body parts. For instance, how a doctor's touch for medical examination may differ than that of any other person in authority over your kid like a relative or family member. And at all times, your kid has the right to have a 'safe person' with them at all times, even during a medical exam. Your kids need to know that what they feel comfortable with today, they may not feel the same tomorrow. If they consent today, it does not mean they will be okay with consenting later that day or on other days.
4. Helping Them Set Boundaries. Boundaries are a person's right to choose what is comfortable for them. Teach your child to set limits on when and how their bodies are touched and by whom. You can start by discussing physical boundaries your child already encounters and understands, such as traffic lights, rules and guidelines in sports, and any other safety regulations they know of. Teach Your Child: Your body belongs to you. You get to decide about your own body. No one should touch you without permission. Consent means always choosing to respect others' boundaries.
5. Ask For Consent In Everyday Interactions With Your Child. Not only does this model behaviour for children, but also gives them a sense of their own autonomy and decision making! The more this is practised, the easier and more normalized it becomes. “Do you want a hug goodnight tonight?” “Do I have your permission to share photos of you in your play with your aunt?” “You don’t have to kiss grandma goodbye, would you prefer to wave instead?” “If you don’t want a photo with Santa that’s okay.” 705-748-5901 KawarthaSexualAssaultCentre.com
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Did you know that it costs $50 a month to support one survivor?

KSAC provides healing, safety, and support to those affected by sexual violence and harm, and aims to end sexual violence through prevention education within our communities.

Contact Us

Get Involved

Charitable Business Number: 107837528RR0001

People of All

Backgrounds, genders, sexualities, ages and abilities are treated with respect and dignity in a nonjudgmental and supportive environment at Kawartha Sexual Assault Centre.

A KSAC logo displaying on a progressive pride flag button alongside an accessibility symbol of a person in a wheelchair signal KSAC's commitment to accessibility and inclusivity

End the Wait: Donate Today

A person is staring directly at the viewer, you can see from their shoulders up. They are standing outside in front of a tree tucking hair behind one ear. They have dark shoulder-length hair with dyed pink ends, dark lipstick, and are in a black tank top.

End the Wait: Donate Today

Jocelyn can still to this day remember the feeling in her body when she would have to tell someone over the phone during an intake that KSAC is here to support them but that the waitlist for them to receive counselling could be up to one year. 

It’s almost like I don’t have the words to describe it. Hearing someone’s voice literally deflate after you tell them about the waitlist for counselling. I can still feel the pit in my stomach and the lump in my throat knowing how difficult that first call to us can be and knowing that you have to be the bearer of the bad news. Our clients are so resilient and we just want to give them hope not feel like we have to take some of it away.”

A person is facing the viewer and standing outside in front of a tree. They are tucking their hair behind one ear. They have dark hair with dyed pink ends, are wearing a black tank top and have dark lipstick.

Reaching out for support after an experience of sexual violence is such a big first step whether you experienced the harm recently or experienced it years ago and are just finding the courage to connect with KSAC. Every week members of your own community bravely find the strength to connect with KSAC and are being told they must wait for counselling. It is estimated that around 75% of people who connect with KSAC for counselling services will be faced with waiting to receive that support.  This wait can fluctuate anywhere from 3 months, to 6 months, to 1 year. 

 “It feels like a catch 22- we want our services advertised to the community because we know sexual violence impacts so many people but with more and more people connecting to us for support we struggle to keep up with the demand. Every year our minimal funding stays the same and our waitlist gets bigger.”

It’s also important to note that KSAC is one of the only centres dedicated to supporting sexual violence survivors of all genders ages 16 and up across the four counties of Peterborough Northumberland Kawartha Lakes and Halburton. Not only that but the majority of these supports are completely free. “At KSAC we are so focused on breaking down barriers for people to receive the healing they need and deserve. To then have the roadblock of telling people we can’t provide that for them for months? It’s the most disheartening thing.”

 

Receiving  fast access to support helps reduce risk of survivors developing mental health issues and emphasizes the core message that we believe survivors.

 

“To see how much healing can be had in our small little centre to see the positive changes and impacts in our clients as they move through our counselling supports to hear how much KSAC has changed their lives for the better…. That’s why we do the work. Survivors deserve to see these positive changes right away.”

 

Unfortunately we can’t tackle this alone. You can help KSAC end the wait for survivors of sexual violence by donating today. Your donation supports survivors’ journey through group counselling and individual counselling at KSAC and allows us to better help people recover from the trauma that comes with sexual assault. Your donation will help us be there for survivors when they need us and ensure that people who are struggling in the aftermath of their assault, aren’t struggling alone.

Alt=””

Did you know that it costs $50 a month to support one survivor?

KSAC provides healing, safety, and support to those affected by sexual violence and harm, and aims to end sexual violence through prevention education within our communities.

Contact Us

24 Hour Crisis Support Line

Get Involved

Charitable Business Number: 107837528RR0001

People of All

Backgrounds, genders, sexualities, ages and abilities are treated with respect and dignity in a nonjudgmental and supportive environment at Kawartha Sexual Assault Centre.

A KSAC logo displaying on a progressive pride flag button alongside an accessibility symbol of a person in a wheelchair signal KSAC's commitment to accessibility and inclusivity

Healthy Masculinity

Healthy masculinity

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Healthy Masculinity

Healthy masculinity involves men taking responsibility and accountability for their actions. This learning video explores the idea of being a true male ally. The module includes ways of recognizing gender stereotypes, patriarchal notions, unlearning traits of toxic masculinity and enhancing those leadership skills that help identify what men need to do on their part to become true ally in eliminating all forms of gender-based violence from our communities. The content in this video will also help you make connections between power abuse and gender oppression that occur in our societies mainly because of the ascribed gender differences. 

The content in this video will also help you recognize that the man box is in fact harmful for men themselves and the characteristics of a person described in the man box are unhealthy and often relate to the old, patriarchal values of a society that needs disbanding and demobilizing.

It is very important for the male-identified individuals of our society to become ally in our fight against gender-based violence.

For more educational videos from KSAC, visit our Learn Hub or the KSAC Youtube Channel.

Alt=””

Did you know that it costs $50 a month to support one survivor?

KSAC provides healing, safety, and support to those affected by sexual violence and harm, and aims to end sexual violence through prevention education within our communities.

Contact Us

Get Involved

Charitable Business Number: 107837528RR0001

People of All

Backgrounds, genders, sexualities, ages and abilities are treated with respect and dignity in a nonjudgmental and supportive environment at Kawartha Sexual Assault Centre.

A KSAC logo displaying on a progressive pride flag button alongside an accessibility symbol of a person in a wheelchair signal KSAC's commitment to accessibility and inclusivity

Impacts of Sexual Violence

Impacts of Sexual Violence

Sexual Violence Affects Individuals and Communities

Sexual violence impacts can be noticed in many different ways both at the individual level and within broader communities. Just a few examples of the impacts of experiences of sexual violence are Post Traumatic Stress Disorder (PTSD), anxiety disorders, depression, substance use disorders, lack of safety in communities, increased healthcare costs, and increased social services costs. 

This non-exhaustive list shows how important it is to recognize all the different levels of impact sexual violence has. We will only see thriving communities when we see individuals thrive and when we see stronger services for individuals who have experiences of sexual violence. If someone who has experienced any form of sexual violence is believed, is not made to feel shamed for their experiences or how they are coping with them, and receives trauma-informed care and support in a timely manner, we may be able to mitigate the development of these and many other further mental health disorders. 

When individuals are treated promptly and with trauma-informed care, it allows them to feel more stable and secure, which in turn means they will be better able to manage daily living. This will help reduce the strain on other community resources like our healthcare system, other forms of mental healthcare, and addictions support, supply, and treatment services, to name a few. 

Alt=””

Did you know that it costs $50 a month to support one survivor?

KSAC provides healing, safety, and support to those affected by sexual violence and harm, and aims to end sexual violence through prevention education within our communities.

Contact Us

24 Hour Crisis Support Line

Get Involved

Charitable Business Number: 107837528RR0001

People of All

Backgrounds, genders, sexualities, ages and abilities are treated with respect and dignity in a nonjudgmental and supportive environment at Kawartha Sexual Assault Centre.

A KSAC logo displaying on a progressive pride flag button alongside an accessibility symbol of a person in a wheelchair signal KSAC's commitment to accessibility and inclusivity

Sexual Violence Umbrella

Sexual violence umbrella portraying different forms in which it occurs

Sexual violence umbrella

Understanding the sexual violence umbrella

The sexual violence umbrella includes: sexual assault, stalking, sexual harassment, cat calling, sex trafficking, trolling, stealthing, voyeurism, domestic and intimate partner violence, and childhood sexual abuse. Female genital mutilation (FGM) is a part of this umbrella too and while practiced in only certain cultures across the world, Canada continues to see more cases of FGM occurring within and around our communities. 

In this image you will find forms of violence such as voyeurism, meaning, watching someone secretly while they engage in an intimate activity such as showering or changing clothes, etc. Stealthing is a form of SV and GBV that involves withholding or removing contraception without informing one’s partner. 

Another form of gender-based violence to consider is femicide. Femicide is defined as an intentional harm directed towards a woman with the intention of murdering her based on the fact that she is a woman. Incidences of femicide have been more pervasive when we look at the statistics about Indigenous women and girls. 4/10 Indigenous women and girls will experience one or more forms of sexual violence in their lives before the age of 15 years. They also have higher rates of being trafficked in Canada. 

It is important to note that this is not an exhaustive list of forms of sexual violence that can occur in someone’s life. Folks belonging to the 2SLGBTQIA+ community have different experiences of sexual and gender-based violence and usually their experiences are not well recorded or talked about openly because of stigma and fear in the community. More commonly, SV can take place in more than one more forms simultaneously. For example, an individual who has been cat-called before may also experience stalking or harassment by same or different individual.  

For more educational content from KSAC, visit our Learn Hub or the KSAC Youtube Channel.

Sexual violence umbrella portraying different forms in which it occurs
The sexual violence umbrella includes: sexual assault, stalking, sexual harassment, cat calling, sex trafficking, trolling, stealthing, voyeurism, domestic and intimate partner violence, and childhood sexual abuse
Alt=””

Did you know that it costs $50 a month to support one survivor?

KSAC provides healing, safety, and support to those affected by sexual violence and harm, and aims to end sexual violence through prevention education within our communities.

Contact Us

24 Hour Crisis Support Line

Get Involved

Charitable Business Number: 107837528RR0001

People of All

Backgrounds, genders, sexualities, ages and abilities are treated with respect and dignity in a nonjudgmental and supportive environment at Kawartha Sexual Assault Centre.

A KSAC logo displaying on a progressive pride flag button alongside an accessibility symbol of a person in a wheelchair signal KSAC's commitment to accessibility and inclusivity